Death & Metta

Death is certain. There is no possible way to escape death. Life has a definite inflexible limit. Each moment brings me closer to the finality of this lifetime. Death can come at any time.

The duration of this lifetime is uncertain. Many causes and circumstances can lead to death. The necessities of life such as food, clothes and transport can cause death. Even such a small thing as a thorn or splinter in my foot can cause death if the wound becomes infected.

Only the practice of Dhamma, by reducing the chances of rebirth in the lower realms of existence can help me at the time of death. Worldy posessions like wealth, social status and power are of no benefit to me at death. I am born with nothing and I will die with nothing. Relatives and friends cannot prevent my death. I am born alone and I will die alone. This body which I have cared for throughout this lifetime will be of no help at the time of death.

 "Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.

Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."
Steve Jobs

This is the main meditation I am using at the moment. I find meditating on death to bring a deep peace. As Steve Jobs says in the quotes above, death is a wonderful way of defining where the bullshit is in your life. Steve makes a deep sense, he states very clearly what is staring us all in the face..."We are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart". We are all one breath away from death. We build these mental fabrications in an attempt to ignore this chilling reality. We, in effect, build our own prisons.

I remember when I first encountered this meditation. It was in an Introduction to Meditation booklet my ex-wife had been given by her older sister. Within about 6 months I found that my list of priorities in life had inverted itself. Suddenly it was the relationships that mattered the most to me and not material things. In the last 22 years not a lot has changed.

These days I find that Death is useful in letting go of my recent past. I have found it very hard to let go of places like the Buddhist Society of Victoria and the "friends" I had there. Death enables me to embrace change and to see the change now happening in this lifetime as not only necessary, but deeply beautiful. I never was the person they thought me to be, and now am moving on and beyond that. Steve Jobs makes the most sense of anyone that I have known recently in Buddhism. Steve used the presence of death as a way of taking risks and to be utterly fearless. I'm taking this to heart and feel that the gentle age of 46 is the perfect time and place to engage in some fearlessness and wholesale change.

Whilst I'm not about to divulge all the gory details about my personal life, you can kind of guess from my tolerance of others sexuality and lifestyles that there is a fair bit of experimentation happening in my life at the moment. For the record: in regards to swinging, 3sums, group sex, homosexuality etc., my approach is that so long as everyone is informed and consenting and adults...where's the harm?  I've had Gay sex and will admit to finding some men sexually attractive. Drugs I tried a long time ago and simply found boring. Also the vast majority of drug users are simply wankers. 

The fearlessness is happening in the acceptance that I'm 46 for fucks sake! I shouldn't be asking for anyones acceptance or permission to be me.  Now I can wear a bracelet if I want or visit a Gay Sauna or eat lots of chilli for breakfast if I want to, and if people have a problem with me expressing myself...then fucking off is their best option.

I was in the habit of seeking approval from people...and to make it worse they were the sorts of people that now I wouldn't pee on if they caught on fire. I entered friendships with my tail between my legs and with a sad look in my eyes. Little wonder that people treated me the way they did. I was treated with appalling arrogance and dismissal. Never quite accepted as a real adult and was told quite bluntly that people knew more about my first marriage and its internal dynamics than I did, and that Selina was going to hurt me sooner rather than later and divorcing my ex would be the biggest mistake of the lifetime.

These days I'm in the habit of approaching people on a "take it or leave it" basis. You can accept I'm an Aspergers and thus will be different or you can fuck off! I don't much care what is thought of the 23 year and 7 month age difference between my wife and myself. Keep your opinions either civil or to yourself. Why should I accept your inadequacies when you aren't accepting of mine?

I am naked and I am following my dreams. Death enables me to cast aside pretences and to walk under the sky as the man I am. This is fearlessness. I will pursue the goals that make sense to me, for when the day comes that I am dying, it is my life that I have to be content with. Your opinion of it won't matter jack shit. Having lived with the opinions of others mattering deeply and having ended up utterly miserable, I now live by my own estimation of what I am doing.

Death enables all this.