Mistakes

I recently had a learning experience. It was one of those learning experiences that are accompanied by a slap down. We had a meet & greet with a couple who are Friends With Benefits. The meeting went, we thought o.k., not the best we've had by a long shot, but certainly not as bad as the one we had had the previous week. The couple promised to get back to us to organise a playdate. We suggested that we would like to play with the girl. The reply we got was both incredibly insulting and very specific about my inadequacies as a communicator. The letter is below:

I’m not entirely sure how to respond to that message.. Donald and I have discussed your last response and are a little surprised at the dastardly suggestion of me playing without my partner in crime.. As much as we wanted to only play with Selina, I would not have suggested in respect to you as a couple, how would've you felt if we had just asked selina to join us?. And although Donald and I may not be a couple in the traditional sense, we are playing as a couple, and during lunch, I thought I had made it quite clear.

In saying that, and I use Selina’s words “we are quite forward and blunt and appreciate it from others” I have to be honest in saying I’m not surprised that you may not have heard me mention that we really only play together, as you did seem to totally dominate the conversation, and have a habit of barely listening to anyone else’s opinion, or stories they had to tell, which for me, was your downfall.

If it weren’t for Selina, I would have outrightly said “No”. Clearly you are not my type (by a longshot) however I am generally not one to judge a book by it’s cover, and after some considerable discussion and thought, gave you the benefit of the doubt that you are as “active” as you suggest you are, and to play with Selina, I was prepared to play with you too..

So in conclusion, we are happy for Selina to join us, but I am quite reluctant to squander my limited time with you.. If she wants to join us she can contact either myself or Donald directly.

Cass (& Donald)

This got me to thinking. The ability to shoot myself in the foot socially has been a long term source of furstration for me. I am in the midst of the most profound personal change in my life. Now is the perfect time to address what was raised in the letter. I am, and always will be, an Aspergers. However this is something that can be turned into a net positive for me. I want to keep the positive aspects of Aspergers and to excise the negatives. 

This morning I woke...after a bad sleep...with the determination to fix this problem for once and all. I have a choice: I can take my dick in my hand and give up or I can accept reality and then find ways of addressing this issue. I Googled "How to be Charismatic?" I found a "WikiHow" on charisma and charm http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Charismatic.   It makes for interesting reading. The other thing I realised that I have completely failed to do is to radiate Metta when I meet people. Somewhere along the line in my journey I have forgotten this. Being aware of where I have made the mistake means that from today I can fix it. Today marks the new beginning.