True Failure

There is one absolute way to fail in life. It is 100% guaranteed. It's easy and addictive.
Have self pity.

 

Yep, that's the secret to failure.

Self pity kills success like a shotgun blast to the face. The moment you fire up "the Oh God I've had it tough!!!" recitation in your head, success is dead and your utter failure in life has arrived. Believing that the planet actually owes you something, despite abundant evidence that it overwhelmingly doesn't know who you are and simply couldn't give a fuck about you, is the first step towards having every other swinging dick achieving the things you wanted to in life.

 

Self pity is a close friend of that other fucking loser: Denial. In this case it's denying that you are a self pitying dickwad. Denying that you have been a lazy shit who has expected the planet to wait on you hand and foot and to treat you just like the special munchkin your Mummy always told you that you are. In your case special doesn't mean unique or talented...it means retarded as in "Dickwad is special which is why we send it to Special School along with all the other bib wearing, furniture chewing special people". You aren't special, you're a lazy, self pitying fucking shit who thinks the planet owes them something just because you have the irritating habit of breathing and occupying space that could be better used by someone else which is a clear denial of reality.

And this is how self pity leads to failure.